Did You Know that there’s no such thing as failure ?
Judith & Jim have a big announcement for you! Perhaps even a giant wake-up call! THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS FAILURE. Yes, you heard that right. There is no such thing as failure. Why? Because you are always succeeding – always. The question is – at what? Today Judith & Jim will help you dig into this provocative guarantee. You’ll be surprised at what you discover. To get ready for this podcast, bring to mind an area in your life where you are not living up to what you would prefer. It might be in your career, your love life, physical fitness, spirituality, you name it. Now get ready for J & J to help you think about this area in your life very, very differently!
Ep. 140 ~ No Such Thing As Failure ~ TRANSCRIPT
Judith:
Alright! Here’s a big alert. Perhaps even a giant wake-up call! There is no such thing as failure.
Jim:
Yes, you heard that right. There is no such thing as failure. Why? Because you are always succeeding—always. The question is—at what?
Judith:
Ready to dig into this provocative guarantee?
Jim:
Good! You’ll be surprised at what you discover.
Hi – I’m Judith Sherven and I’m Jim Sniechowski
Judith:
Welcome to another of our “Overcoming The Fear of Being Fabulous” podcasts. And today’s topic promises you a new type of liberation—because, in fact, yes it’s a fact, There Is No Such Thing As Failure.”
Jim:
Today we’re going to unravel and reveal how it is that you are always,
YES, ALWAYS, succeeding. The question is—at what?
Judith:
To start, bring to mind an area in your life where you are not living up to what you would prefer. It might be in your career, your love life, physical fitness, spirituality, you name it. For example, fairly recently I realized that I wasn’t executing on my commitment to 15-20 minutes of exercise a day.
Jim:
My example, as you’ll see, has to do with poor performance in school.
Judith:
Now when you think about an area in your life where you could be self-critical, perhaps even condemning—what happens if you look at it differently?
Jim:
What happens when you look at what you are actually succeeding at?
Judith:
For example, with regard to not exercising as much as I said I wanted to, what I was actually succeeding at—as I look at it now—was repeating how my mother lived in her older years. She became chunky and as far as I know never exercised whereas my father kept himself slim and in great shape right up until he died at 90, exercising every day. Even when it rained, he would run around the house and do push-ups in the kitchen before he had his breakfast.
Jim:
When I was growing up my factory working father would exclaim how he was the only genius in the family. That clearly meant I wasn’t supposed to compete or even think about being super smart. Yet when it was time for me to go to high school my father had me take a test and enrolled me into a private college prep Jesuit high school that catered to the sons of the automobile industry executives. I started in the top third of my class. And I graduated second to last. Was I succeeding? Oh yes1 I was making sure my father was indeed the only genius in the house.
Judith:
Here are a few other examples to make sure you really grok this concept. Well actually not just a concept, it’s a fact.
One of our Asian clients a few years ago was terrified of talking with her manager about a promotion. Yet she knew she deserved it. When we proposed that she flat out ask her manager what he thought about putting her forward for the next level, she said “Oh I couldn’t do that. It would be aggressive.” Yes, in the Asian culture in which she had been raised, it would be considered too aggressive. And therefore she was being successful in not speaking up. Successful in staying true to her culture of origin.
Jim:
But when she followed our advice and chose to transfer her loyalty to living in the United States and not China, she was amazed when her manager said, “I’m so glad you brought this up. I’ve been thinking about how well you’ve been doing. Your promotion has just been slipping through the cracks, so sorry! OK, for sure I’ll get your promotion package ready as soon as possible.”
She told us about her success with tears of joy! But first she had to face into her initial success at being loyal to Asian values, rather than taking care of herself in the American work culture.
Judith:
Another client, a man, was reluctant to use his leadership authority more fully for fear he would be overly aggressive and actually abusive. Why? Because that’s how he’d experienced his father when his dad used his parental authority with him and his sister. So, while we might say he was failing at fulfilling his leadership, what he was actually doing was being successful at avoiding being like his father.
Jim:
One more example out of thousands we’ve seen over our more than 30 years of working in this area, and more than a decade as executive coaches for Tech companies. A woman who attended a men’s conference where we were speaking and running a workshop on relationships complained that she could never meet the right kind of man. There she sat in her dress, hose, and heels, lovely jewelry, and a very sporty hair-do. So I asked if she always dressed like that when meeting men. “Oh yes, this is what my father told me men expect.”
Yet when I asked what kinds of things she liked to do, she readily said, “Hiking, surfing, soft ball, that kind of thing.”
Judith:
So I said “Aha – so when you dress like this, you are actually guilty of false advertising, and therefore attracting the wrong types of men.” We showed her how she was succeeding at being loyal to her father by failing at meeting appropriate men. At the next year’s conference she showed up in jeans, checked long sleeve shirt with hiking boots, her husband dressed similarly, and pushing a baby carriage. She said, “Once I started showing up as I really am, like you told me, look who I found!” She was so happy and proud.
Jim:
So our question to you is: what is an area in your life where you feel held back, frustrated, annoyed with yourself? And—how are you actually succeeding by keeping to that lack of maximum achievement? And—how do you feel about this realization that rather than failing, you are actually succeeding?
Judith:
Remember, we’re talking about this in the context of Overcoming the Fear of Being Fabulous. Where in your own personal example could you live more optimally if you weren’t unconsciously committed to succeeding at a more primitive level of your unconscious? For example, creating this podcast was a wakeup call for me with regard to realizing that I used to be in unconscious allegiance with my mother rather than the lifestyle I consciously want for myself.
Jim:
And I’ve realized that writing my Leaving Home Trilogy of autobiographical novels is not only a commitment to expose primitive elements of my growing up environment—the titles are Worship Of Hollow Gods, An Ambition to Belong, and When Angels Die—but even more deeply a commitment to rearrange my understanding of being human on this planet, with or without a god.
Judith:
Be sure to check out Jim’s novels on Amazon. As he said, the titles are Worship Of Hollow Gods, An Ambition to Belong, and When Angels Die. As you can tell by the titles they all relate to Overcoming The Fear of Being Fabulous, and are based on Jim’s growing up years in inner city working class Polish Catholic Detroit.
OKAY—now we ask, what have you brought to new awareness by realizing that you are never failing. In fact, you are succeeding, the question is at what?
Jim:
The deep significance of this reality is that by feeling like a failure, it reinforces how you are not being successful. When in fact, you are. Yes! You actually are successful. The only question is—at what?
Judith:
Once you pin down the unconscious roots of what is holding you back, now pay attention to whatever shifts in your priorities. For me, creating this podcast has created a new window of awareness about daily exercise and wanting to eat less—to be in even greater alignment with my conscious adult values—rather than unconscious daughterly loyalty to my mom. And in fact, I’m several pounds lighter than when we first wrote this podcast.
Jim:
So before we sign off, we leave you with this question, How are you succeeding in an unconscious pattern? And what does your conscious adult mind prefer instead? So you can continue to Overcome the Fear of Being Fabulous!
Judith:
We send our support – and look forward to next time!
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