You’ll Never Liberate Your True Identity Until You “Leave Home” Internally
Most people move out of their parents home to start their own lives. But, for most people, all too often it’s merely a physical leaving home, not one that liberates their identity!
So today, Judith will interview Jim about why he wrote his Leaving Home Trilogy of autobiographical novels.
Jim will reveal how the first book, Worship of Hollow Gods, explores some of the many “hollow gods” families become committed to; become addicted to.
In Jim’s second book, An Ambition To Belong, he explores the angst most adolescents experience – no longer children and not yet adult. Belonging nowhere.
Jim’s award-winning, best-selling novels added to his own freedom to be fabulous, writing about many issues that people can find off-limits or even spiritually offensive. And in that way publishing these novels was a major act of internally leaving home for Jim.
To learn more about the trilogy and download a FREE copy of one of James’ favorite chapters from the Leaving Home Trilogy just go to
Ep.142 ~ The Importance Of Leaving Home At Any Age ~ TRANSCRIPT
Judith:
Most people move out of their parents’ home to start their own lives, whether it’s when they go to college, get their first job, get married, or move in with roommates at some other point. But, for most people, it’s all too often merely a physical leaving home, not one that liberates the identity, the inner workings of the individual.
Jim:
As you know, that’s partly why I decided to write my Leaving Home Trilogy of autobiographical novels. The first book, “Worship of Hollow Gods,” explores some of the many “hollow gods” families become committed to, become addicted to really, and the effect on a young boy of 9. The second book, “An Ambition To Belong,” is devoted to exploring the angst most adolescents experience – no longer children and not yet adult. Belonging nowhere. And finally, in the third book, “When Angels Die,” I dig into the deep inner workings of young adult self-deception and self-discovery.
Judith:
We’ve both struggled with self-discovery and personal liberation. So the whole issue of leaving home psychologically is near and dear to us both. It’s the only way to truly overcome the fear of being fabulous.
Jim:
Certainly writing the trilogy added to my own freedom to be fabulous, writing about many issues that people can find off-limits or even spiritually offensive. And in that way it was a major act of internally leaving home.
Hi I’m Judith Sherven and I’m Jim Sniechowski
Judith:
We’re best known as Judith & Jim, and have been married to each other since 1988, working together as a psychology team, the authors of 8 books, and as an executive coaching team for a variety of tech companies including LinkedIn and Credit Karma.
Judith:
Today what I want to do is interview you about the need to leave home no matter your age – which is the logline for your trilogy of novels. Are you ready?
Jim:
Sure! Take it. Whatever you want to ask me.
Judith:
Okay, please explain for our listeners why leaving home at any age is so important to you. You made it the underlying theme of your trilogy of autobiographical novels – Worship Of Hollow Gods, An Ambition To Belong, and When Angels Die.
Jim:
As I’ve matured in my life, both in relationships and in work it’s so obvious to me that unless I can increasingly leave behind how I was raised – to see myself and my rightful place in life – I cannot move out into a larger, more robust, more expressive version of myself – of who I really am.
Judith:
Please describe how you see “leaving home” in more detail, and especially as it applies to your novels.
Jim:
We all grow up, with no ability for the first few years, to question how we are being raised. In my case, the Polish culture, Catholic religion, factory working adult males, stay at home matkas—that’s “mothers” in Polish—were all “normal.” That was the entire world as far as I understood. The family never left the neighborhood. We never traveled even within Detroit. Sure my Dad went to the factory but I never saw any area outside Mercier Street and the local church until I was about 9 or 10. And even then, it was only to go to the movie theater downtown – which was a huge treat – and a little frightening.
Judith:
And it’s important to remind you that the human brain isn’t sufficiently developed to be able to evaluate what’s going on—until about age 7 on up until about age 11. In other words the brain continues to grow during that time allowing for increased ability to question and evaluate.
But – remember—it has 7 or more years of not being able to do that. So, most often, and even later – individuals never even begin to utilize that function – and simply stay true to what was learned in the very early years.
Jim:
Exactly. So I framed my first novel “Worship Of Hollow Gods” through the lenses and budding brain function of 9-year old Jim. As he begins to evaluate his life and his family – exposing bit by bit the hollow gods he’s been raised to believe in.
Judith:
What were the key challenges you had to face into—writing about your own family members? I know you changed most people’s names—except for your own. But what else happened for you as you dug more deeply into those hollow gods you had been raised with?
Jim:
Certainly it caused me to reflect more deeply about the pain, anxiety, fears and sorrows that my parents experienced on a daily basis and those of all my aunts and uncles. We were what was known as a tight knit family, getting together most every week, seeing each other at church every Sunday, living in the same neighborhood. One of my mother’s brothers and his wife and kids lived right next door to us.
Judith:
Sounds like there was very little privacy, much less freedom to chart one’s own path as you were growing up.
Jim:
Exactly. As I demonstrated in the second book “An Ambition To Belong” I had very little sense of where I did belong. I knew I didn’t fit into my family – in fact it felt claustrophobic. That’s true for so many kids – especially those that are really bright and energetic. And neither the street gang I joined nor the private high school that I went to – which catered to the auto industry’s executive level sons – neither one offered any kind of fit for me – so I struggled to belong. In the novel I bring a fascinating closure to this issue – but it still haunts me how so many kids are actually lost growing up – belonging nowhere.
Judith:
Yes, indeed! Now, a pivotal question—why do you love writing fiction?
Jim:
You and I have written 8 non-fiction books on a variety of topics – even a progressive wedding book and an examination of What Really Killed Whitney Houston – which exposed her Fear of Being Fabulous. But nothing else, so far, has allowed my imagination and my philosophical frame of mind to find a broad field of play like fiction!
Judith:
Thanks—I’ve never heard you say that before. I get it! Now – how have you run into your own Fear of Being Fabulous in writing these novels?
Jim:
Actually in some ways, just the opposite! I’ve been rewarded by many examples of what a truly good writer I am. And you know my experience in the 11th grade when a Jesuit priest who taught English singled out my writing for special acclaim and I privately decided he was a jerk and didn’t have a clue about writing – because what I’d written had been dashed off during lunch break. So to now recognize, and be recognized by book reviewers and others, for my excellent writing – this is quite a thrill actually.
Judith:
Any advice for our listeners before we wrap up this podcast for today?
Jim:
Yes! Whatever you’ve been putting off, like I put off writing fiction for several decades—do it now! Don’t waste another day or even hour worrying about the outcome, hesitating because you’re imagining what others might think, concerned about whether the outcome will be good enough. Who cares! The only way to find out is to do it. Do it NOW! And that includes going back to school, changing careers, getting healthy, abandoning unhealthy relationships, traveling, anything creative. Do it NOW!
Judith:
And I would like to thank you, my dear husband for continually moving past your Fear of Being Fabulous—after your mouth muscles—your speaking muscles were damaged during the stroke you suffered in 2016. It’s been my deep and sincere pleasure to interview you today and continue to work with you in our executive team coaching!
And with that …
Jim:
A BEAUTIFUL GIFT FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP!
Judith:
Yes! Now you and your special sweetheart can receive a daily dose of “Opening To Love 365 Days A Year” – in your email, one love message at a time, for an entire year!
Jim:
As someone wrote to us recently, “This is a ‘MUST READ” each morning before we start our day. It is a lovely guide. I give it as a gift.”
https://OvercomingTheFearOfBeingFabulous.com/OpeningToLove365
Until next time—we wish you a more fabulous life!
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