How well do you receive praise and compliments?
Do you blow it off when someone compliments you? Do you hide behind false humility, worried that others may think you’re conceited or grand-standing if you simply say “Thank you”?
Discover what that says about your relationship with you and how to turn this around. You’ll also discover how saying “Thank You” is actually a gift. After all, if you can’t receive acknowledgment from others, and easily say “Thank you” it’s a bit like living in a psychological and spiritual desert.
Ep. 143 ~ Receiving Praise and Compliments ~ TRANSCRIPT
Judith:
Do you blow it off when someone compliments you? Do you hide behind false humility, worried that others might think you’re conceited or grand-standing if you simply say “Thank you”? Learning what that says about your relationship with you! AND discover how to turn this around to learn how saying “Thank You” is a gift.
Jim:
How well do YOU receive praise and compliments? After all, if you can’t receive recognition from others it’s a bit like living in a psychological desert.
Hi Judith Sherven and I’m Jim Sniechowski
Jim:
After all, the human need for recognition is nearly as important to being robustly alive as is breathing in oxygen. Yet, how many people do you know who exude a solid sense of self-confidence, who take in praise with poise and grace?
Judith:
Unfortunately, far too often people have been raised in environments that contaminated the process of receiving praise by being taught that they needed to be humble, modest, to never get a swelled head, to never appear arrogant or superior, to play themselves down.
Whether this was the by-product of religion, culture, or family fears – it amounts to the same thing. You can’t comfortably live inside your own value.
Jim:
Think about it. What were you taught about being humble, deflecting praise, never wanting to appear arrogant or puffed up? And, how might this have even prevented you from asking for a raise, a promotion, a request to meet someone attractive your married friend was talking with at a conference or party?
Judith:
Yes, it’s true your personal sense of value has to be consistent with the compliment coming to you. If you think your new haircut is a disaster, then when people tell you they really like it, you’ll indeed have trouble saying thank you.
Jim:
But what about when you’ve been given a promotion at work and your colleagues congratulate you saying things like, “Bravo! You’ve deserved this for months!” “You are so good at what you do, it’s a pleasure working with you.” “Be sure to drop by my office after work tonight, everyone’s coming to a special Happy Hour I’ve arranged to celebrate you.”
How well do you take in and own that kind of celebration of YOU?
Judith:
The problem is if you don’t believe you deserve the accolades, the celebrations, you end up persuading yourself that you’re just suffering from The Imposter Syndrome – as it’s often called today. And indeed you are suffering. But it’s a self-imposed suffering. Because the external validation of your value, take this in, the external validation of your value from others is more reliable than your internal voice that puts you down.
Jim:
Now, for you to gain access to a more robust sense of self, you will have to psychologically leave home. That is, leave the belief system you learned growing up that has kept you from owning your own mastery, your own excellence, your own likeability!
Judith:
We don’t mean that you stop talking with your family. That’s not the point. What we mean is that you have to come to your own sense of self-value – on your own terms.
As we wrap up this topic for today, we encourage you to notice over the next several days while it’s robust in your memory, what happens when you give compliments to someone in your life or you praise someone at work, acknowledging that they are really good at what they do. Or a stranger and you tell them that you really like their jacket. Do they thank you and appreciate you acknowledging them? And then notice if you feel good with that circle being completed.
Or, do they fluff you off? Maybe they giggle, maybe they shrug their shoulders, maybe they tell you: “This old jacket ha ha ha”. In some way deflect away from your compliment or praise. How did that feel? Just notice.
Jim:
We want also to add the idea of humility. Humility is an idea that can get in the way of you receiving what is actually yours. Here’s a definition of humility.
Humility is not the false suppression of your gifts. True humility is the full expression of your gifts; as a way of honoring their Source! Whatever you believe Source to be—God, the Universe, whatever some other larger expression of reality. Honor that Source.
Judith:
Take this away and use it in your lives… to honor that Source and to give yourselves new freedom to express who you really are. That’s what we mean by being fabulous.
Jim:
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Judith:
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Jim:
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Judith:
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Jim:
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Judith:
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You’ll be glad that you got it.
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